Today marks four weeks. My sweet, loving, & gentle Apollo crossed over the rainbow bridge on October 16th, 2018. It honestly feels like he’s been gone longer than that.. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about him or his brothers. I miss him so much that it physically hurts.
Apollo was diagnosed with adrenal tumors in February of 2018 & insulinoma in August of 2018. Eventually, these diseases would take his life but when it happened was so unexpected, and it didn’t make losing him any easier. For so long, he was doing so well. He was full of life, full of energy, full of love. He would have his rough days & on those days I would take him into the vet just to make sure he was okay. Him passing when he did was so unexpected and so so fast. It felt like I blinked and then he was gone.. Apollo was my little man, my gentle little man who was the most precious little thing.
Just typing this out is killing me. I don’t know how I lost two of my boys within two months of each other. My heart has shattered more times than I can count, & it feels like it doesn’t ever fully heal.
On Monday, October 15th, I did my usual routine of letting my boys out of their cage at 8pm so they could run around & get their energy out. Apollo didn’t seem to be acting normal. At first, I thought he was having one of his episodes and needed Karo Syrup (I gave him this when his blood sugar got too low due to his insulinoma). I waited & waited, but he wasn’t improving. So I did what I do best- I cuddled him up on my chest so he could snuggle on my sweatshirt, laid a blanket over us, and just held him as close as I could. He seemed exhausted & very lethargic. I was worried so I knew I was going to take him into the vet the next day.
After about an hour and a half, he got squirmy so I laid on the floor with him. Zach & I knew he needed water because he was dehydrated. He also needed his medicine, so we gave him both. After we gave him water and medicine, he seemed like he was doing better. I laid him in a blanket on the ground so he could rest.
At 11pm, I went to put him to bed in his cage so he could be with his brothers. Before doing that, I held in my lap & loved him as hard as I could. I kissed him over and over again, and just laid there with him, not taking my eyes off of him. Then things started to get worse. He started to throw up and this happened about four times. He was making the most heartbreaking sound when throwing up, like he was in excruciating pain. & there’s was absolutely nothing I could do. He looked so defeated and so helpless. All I wanted to do, & I mean all I wanted to do, was take his pain away. At this point, I knew this was going to be one of his final days. I cried and cried, while I just held him. He was lifeless in my arms. I think that was because him throwing up took everything out of him.
I didn’t want to let him go, it took me two hours to finally say goodbye. I told him that if he had to let go, I would understand, I would still love him just as much. He was hurting so bad, in so much pain. I could see it in his eyes. I laid him in his cage around 1am. I laid him next to Ares, snuggled in a blanket. I went to check on him at 3:42am, he was in the same position I had left him. I put my hand on him and knew he was gone.. He had let go in his sleep. But I can’t tell you how much peace I find in knowing that my gentle Apollo didn’t suffer during his passing, that he went peacefully.
We got Apollo a month after we got Thor, Loki, & Odin. We went to the pet store to load up on ferret supplies before going on a vacation. Zach noticed Apollo in the cage at the pet store. He was the calmest ferret out of all of them in that cage, and there were probably 10 other ferrets in there. We asked an employee about him. The employee goes, “Yeah, that’s Reggie. He was brought in by a family the other day because they couldn’t take care of him anymore.” Of course my heart broke. I told Zach that we shouldn’t get him because we’re about to leave on a week vacation (literally the next day) & we can’t bring in another ferret if we aren’t there to monitor how our three boys will act with him. But I specifically said, “if he’s here when we get back, then it was meant to be.”
Lucky for us, when we returned to the pet store almost two weeks later, Reggie was still there. We didn’t even have to think, we immediately got him. We brought him home & he got along with our other boys so well. ‘Reggie’ was apart of the family the second he met our boys and then officially became Apollo.
When I say he was gentle, I mean like he was the MOST gentle little guy. From the first day we got him, he was the biggest cuddle bug, always sleeping on my chest or curled up in my sweatshirt. He never ever bit me or Zach (our other boys would bite all the time, lol). He loved his brother, Odin. Odin was his favorite. They were two peas-in-a-pod 24/7. He was also the only boy who would sleep in bed with me. I could bring him to bed and let him be the small spoon and I’d be the big spoon, & that’s how we would fall asleep. One time Zach pulled back the covers on his side of the bed & found Apollo curled up by the pillow and I was asleep on my pillow. It’s one of the cutest pictures I’ve ever seen.
He was smart, you know? Ferrets aren’t dumb, they’re more than “rodents” or “weasels.” They have such big personalities and they’re all so different from each other. Ferrets have so much spunk and liveliness to them. All of my boys have taught me how to love on a different level. Who knew someone could love a ferret so much?
Losing Apollo and Odin (especially so close together) has been some of the most heartbreaking things I’ve had to deal with. To know that they are together again brings me happiness. Apollo is gone but he will never be forgotten.
My gentle & loving little man, you changed my life, you made me a better person. You left your little paw prints all over my heart, & for that, I am forever grateful. Rest easy, Apollo. I love you.
xx, Aubrianna
Rest In Peace, Jed, Chicklet, Thor, & Odin
That was beautiful honey. I love you and the boys.